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FAQ

How do cremation costs differ from burial costs?
Cremation costs differ from burial costs in the US in that they usually are less expensive. Cremation and burial are two methods of disposition. Cremation does not limit you in any way from utilizing any service you may desire from a “traditional” body-present burial or entombment. Simply remove the portion of going to the cemetery and replace it with cremate. Most forward thinking funeral homes of a wide selection of hardwood and metal “rental” caskets (I know…I know) that look just like burial caskets, but the entire interior comes out with the deceased and is cremated for a 1/5 of the price. So, with that in mind, the price of a cremation can range from a no-frills “direct cremation” ($900) to a full visitation with an open casket, mass at a Catholic Church or wherever (Jimmy’s Bar & Pub) with a cremation to follow. ($4k-6k depending on rental).What you end up missing out on, and many people attribute these charges to funeral homes when in most cases they are not, are cemetery fees. $400–1800 to dig a 3x8 hole, $1000–5000 for a space, an outer burial container (required by cemetery) $600–10000 (cemetery or FH) and then some type of permanent memorial if you choose $750–6000. Price are approx and regional to D.C./MD area. WITH cremation you may choose to bury if you already own cemetery space, but why do that when at last count there were upwards of 200 neat, odd, weird and very nice things you can do with ashes that of course, range from free to expensively being ejected into orbit after a rocket ride !!!! The choices are extensive if you have the proper professional who is willing to listen, have an open mind and work with your desires and budget. Peace.
Is it appropriate to wash out a deceased person's hair dyed color before burial/cremation?
My grandmother keeps dyeing her hair so I never had the chance to see how she will look like with white hair. Therefore, I am quite curious and eager to know about her appearance with natural white/grey hair. Convincing her to stop dyeing seems quite difficult. I think the best and only time to get the chance is to ask someone/hair stylist to wash out her hair dyed color when she passes away, before the burial or cremation process. I've been always waiting for her to stop dyeing for a long time but it never happens. I feel like damn eager to know her true appearance. So, may I know whether such request is appropriate or not? Is it allowed or permitted to do so by law? Any cases? If no,...*sigh* I have to accept the fact that I can't see my own grandmother's look if with natural hair color (white/grey). :( She's getting nearer to 80 now and haven't give up on dyeing her hair.
Which is a cheaper funeral in the US, cremation or VA burial?
Using a National Cemetery, earned through your service, removes the cemetery charges, but not the funeral home’s.In a similar way, cremation removes the cemetery charges (actually, it replaces them with a much smaller crematory charge) but the funeral home will still charge you for the services they provide.Depending on what the family desires, those services may be similar, or cremation may be less expensive.Many people choosing cremation tend to choose other less expensive options, but some do not. There is nothing magic about cremation that makes it less expensive, other than those cemetery charges.For example, both will require the FH to go to the hospital to receive the body, hold it under refrigeration if embalming is not chosen, and transport it to either the cemetery or crematory. Those are the same. A minimum casket will be required fur burial, and a minimum cremation container for cremation. For that, cremation is perhaps a few hundred dollars cheaper.But many people choosing burial also want a service. Cremation folks may also choose that same service, but fewer do.So the end of the story is that - all choices being as equal as possible, cremation is probably slightly cheaper than a VA burial. But for most folks, they choose many more options with the burial, making an even wider gap.Of course, every firm sets its own prices. It once was very common that cremation services were heavily discounted, that is not as common as it use to be.One other thing:Following a cremation, you still need to decide what to do with the ashes. There may be free options, and others that run into the thousands. If it were my call, i would let the VA bury the cremated remains. That will pryoyr family with a place to go, with a marker. All treated with honor.I would think about having the Funeral Home do a cremation with only the legally required minimums. Then take the Urn and paperwork to the national cemetery, and have a memorial service at anywhere from your church to your backyard. Check with your national cemetry about how they will work with that.As a funeral director, i have speant my carrier in some of the most “high-end” firms in the country. We often do services well north of $50k, sometimes over $100k. I believe in what we do, and we work our butts off trying to be worth the money. Our reputation says we succeed in the eyes of our clients.But just because i may think that a Bentley is an incredible car, worth every dime, it doesnt follow that i think everyone should want one. I drive a Mazda 3 myself.There is a place for the spare no expense client, and a just-the-basics client. Both are honorable.I would suggest giving thought to that “basic cremation plus burying the ashes at the VA” as being the least expensive option, and possibly the best of both choices.
Is it appropriate to wash out my grandmother's hair dyed color before burial/cremation when she passes away one day?
My grandmother keeps dyeing her hair so I never had the chance to see how she will look like with white hair. Therefore, I am quite curious and eager to know about her appearance with natural white/grey hair. Convincing her to stop dyeing seems quite difficult. I think the best and only time to get the chance is to ask someone/hair stylist to wash out her hair dyed color when she passes away, before the burial or cremation process. I've been always waiting for her to stop dyeing for a long time but it never happens. I feel like damn eager to know her true appearance. So, may I know whether such request is appropriate or not? Is it allowed or permitted to do so by law? Any cases? If no,...*sigh* I have to accept the fact that I can't see my own grandmother's look if with natural hair color (white/grey). :( She's getting nearer to 80 now and haven't give up on dyeing her hair.
Why do ex-employers refuse to fill out the VA form 21-4192 for a vet?
VA Form 21–4192 is an application for disability benefits and like similar state benefits, it must be filled out by the veteran or by his or her qualified representative. This is a private, sensitive, legal document and every dot or dash in it can be critical, so must be accurate and verifiable.Employers have zero responsibility to fill out this form or furnish information for it, however, Social Security would have all the information required that the Department of Defense did not have. The veteran’s DD-214 is likely required, but does not furnish all the information required on the form.
Do you think most people are out of touch with the natural process of death and dying? Do you think it would be good for people to return to the old practice of washing and preparing our own dead, in the home, in prep for burial or cremation?
My 35 year old son died three weeks ago (Aug. 13, 2018). He was not diagnosed with diabetes, but autopsy found his cause of death ketoacidosis. He was found by his brother. The experience of finding the body has been traumatic. We have sanitized death with funeral homes, embalming and other rituals that remove any hands on experience. Only simulated deaths in movies are stark, yet they also remain removed.To help my son deal with his feelings, we have kept him busy with living. That is where our focus should be, not on adding even more rituals to death. If we wash the body or otherwise prep for burial, it won’t make people live more acutely. It won’t make them understand how short their time is and the importance of breathing in life every moment you can.It will only add more responsibilities at a time when the friends and family are busy grieving. I couldn’t cook dinner, remember to walk my dogs, or even pick out clothes to wear in the days after Andy died. I needed peace, not expectations. Believe me, I am fully aware of the process of death, the consequences. We are not out of touch with death, but with the fragility of life.